17 Feb Dear dreamers, stop doing this.
(This is a guest post from @JennyAcuff! Follow her on Twitter for more awesomeness.)
Jon recently tweeted that I was thrilled he was getting a virtual assistant with a company called eaHELP.
That was an understatement. I am beyond thrilled. I am whatever is next on the happy scale. “Mega thrilled?” Hard to say.
Why am I so happy? Well this weird thing can happen when you are married to a dreamer. There’s a temptation for you to change from supportive spouse to support system. Take Jon for instance, once his job changed, he thought it might be good for me to help him with his calendar. Of the two of us, I am more detailed, but that was a terrible idea.
I want to be his wife, not his assistant. Me trying to manage his calendar and emails was an amazing opportunity to argue.
Do I support the dream we’re both working on? Definitely, in a thousand different ways. But I know that I want to be his partner in these adventures, not his technical support or administrative assistant. The more steps I take in that direction the more I get separated from the heart of the dream and become a stage hand for a play I am no longer in.
Does this type of support system work for some couples? I think it can, if the spouse comes to the table with a skill set that fits this exact need. But I think it’s rare and you have to honestly ask your spouse if it is working for them or do they feel like they are on the outside of the dream.
There’s a big difference between spouse and assistant.
Be careful about asking your spouse to play the wrong role dreamers.