A few weeks ago, I told myself, “I am going to Internet so hard in 2015!”
That wasn’t an official goal, but more of a statement you yell at your laptop in coffee shops full of suddenly terrified people who don’t want to sit near the guy who yells at laptops.
I thought I was going to blog daily.
I was wrong.
Instead I am going to write daily and blog a few times a week.
Why the switch?
Because I realized my ego was driving my decision, not my discipline.
I wasn’t building a creative habit when I blogged daily, I was getting a daily fix of reaction. If I wrote something on a Tuesday morning, I wanted to launch it immediately and watch my Twitter feed fill up. Suddenly, I didn’t focus on the writing, I focused on what would get the most notifications.
The thought of writing an idea on a Tuesday and not posting it until a Wednesday seemed impossible. My ego argued, “Wait, wait, wait! I thought the whole point of blogging was to get people to tell you that you’re interesting or cool or have nice hair. If we don’t immediately share what we’ve written, how will we know it’s good? How will we know it matters?”
If postponing a blog post for 24 hours doesn’t seem like a herculean effort of ego control, well then bully for you. Or if you’re able to post every day without getting caught up in the ego game, that’s awesome. But for me, writing daily and posting every other day was/is a struggle. Maybe your ego manifests itself in different ways.
Here are three signs to know if your ego is making your decisions:
1. You’re impulsive
Ego’s favorite time frame is “RIGHT NOW!” If waiting on a decision for 24 hours feels impossible, ego might be at the wheel.
2. You’re compulsive
Ego’s favorite amount of anything is “MORE.” There’s never enough for our egos and they are never satisfied. If you achieve something and feel emptiness instead of satisfaction, beware.
3. You’re angry
If the ego doesn’t get more of what it wants, right now, there’s an eruption of anger. You might not kick over a table, but you’ll throw a tiny adult tantrum internally.
I’m still going to Internet so hard in 2015.
I’m still going to write things that I hope people will tweet because other writers encouraged me for years and I want to do the same for other people.
I might even go through seasons where I can blog everyday.
But I’m going to keep my eye on my ego.
Not because I’m noble, but because my ego is a horrible decision maker. And I’ve learned something:
Patient beats impulsive. Deliberate beats compulsive. Peaceful beats angry.